My children are all grown now and sometimes I find myself looking back and wishing I had received a child rearing manual when they were born. I did a LOT of these things and thankfully my kids turned out pretty well with some ups and downs and a few frantic moments. And, yes, I wish I had done a better job on some things. Hindsight is 20/20, so my gift to you parents of all ages, especially the ones just starting this little adventure, is this collection of thoughts and advice I wish someone had given me when I had babies.
1. Hold them more.
Yes, you cuddled your babies and kissed the littles when you dropped them at
day care or school. As they grow up they
tend to want their own space and eventually you are suffering from empty-arms-syndrome,
because as adults they don't think their mommy or daddy need hugs and kisses
any more. Trust me, this happens faster than you could ever imagine. One day
they are all over you vying for your attention (which sometimes is focused on
other things you deemed much more important back then) and the next they are
running out the door with their friends, leaving for college or tending to
their own families.
2. Teach them to play
well with others. I grew up in a large family so I had no choice but to
learn this lesson early on. When you
have three sisters and three brothers in a small house you either play nice or
bedlam ensues, which it did on a regular basis, but we grew up respecting the
space and objects belonging to our siblings. That extended to our friends and
the rest of the world. When a child grows up expecting everything to be served
to them on a silver platter and that the world owes them a living life can get
really hard really fast as an adult.
3. Be consistent.
Sound easy? Not so much. We naturally want to protect our kids, even from
themselves. If they get into trouble they need to learn there are consequences
for their actions. Their actions and those consequences can become more severe
as they get older. If they learn from you that there is a hard fast line they
can't cross over it is more likely they won't have to worry about the scary
things that can happen to them if they don't. Letting them get by on seemingly
little things over and over gives them the idea that you, and everyone else,
will always be lenient and forgiving. The world typically does not work that
way.
4. Keep them focused
on what's going to be important later in life. Children need to have fun,
play and dream a lot, but interjecting reality into their world will help them function
as adults. Teaching them the importance of education, a good work ethic, loyalty
and trust will help the rest of the world love your children as much as you do.
5. Teach them to
respect their elders and authority. This used to be a given. Not everyone
did, but for the most part when I was a kid I feared stepping out of line
because I respected the fact that my mother would not tolerate bad behavior. I
have seen first-hand the results of children that do not have that fear and
respect wind up in a world of trouble because eventually someone will step in
and set them straight and it will likely not be as gentle as you might have
been.
6. Show them the
world. Exposing your children to different foods, places and people will
round out their education. If they stay in the same place, eat the same foods
and never venture too far out of their comfort zones they will miss out on a
lot of things that will open their eyes and minds to the rest of the world and
the people in it.
7. Turn off the TV.
Turn off the video games. Turn off the computer, cell phone and iPad. Immerse
yourself in your children's world every chance you get. Play with them, read
with them and above all, listen to them. They need to know you will give them
your undivided attention even for the little things. That way when there is a big
thing they will be more likely to confide in you knowing that you will listen
with an open mind. You can always turn the devices back on when they go to
sleep.
8. Take more photos
and/or video of your children as they grow up. It's is easier and
more affordable to do this now than it was when my children were little. While
living in the moment is really important, remembering through photos can keep
those memories more vivid. I learned a
hard lesson when one of my children suddenly died at age three. I always
thought I would have infinite time to capture her cuteness, sweetness and even her
naughtiness on film to look at when she was grown. It doesn't always work that
way. I cherish the few photos and videos I have of her, but wish that I had been
more vigilant. You'd better believe I have thousands of photos of my other
children, but I still have to remind myself to pull out the camera every time I
get the chance. Cell phone cameras make this a no-brainer. As a side note, have
them take photos and videos of you too even if you loathe having your picture
being taken. A picture is worth a thousand words, as they say, and they will want those
to remember you by when you're gone.
9. Teach them to be
independent. They will one day not only have to be responsible for their
own welfare, but likely that of their own family. Children who grow up knowing
that they will need to provide for themselves will not find the fact that they
have to pay rent, buy food and pay for their car, insurance and medical
expenses such a shocking revelation.
10. Last, but not least, make sure they know
you love them, faults, failures and all. Don’t just assume they know. Tell
them. Use the words and do so in a way that they know you mean them. Growing up
in a loving, compassionate environment where they are treated with respect and
a guiding hand goes a long way toward them growing up to be the responsible,
caring adults we want them to be.
